:(

how i wish i never says things that hurt him.
ya i know those words hurts him so much that made him walk away.


i'm sorry.
but we have to face the truth-painfull but atleast we know where we're standing.

thank you for always be there for me/i will never forget your kindness.
praying for your happiness,eternity.

love.

MY DEAREST DADDDY.

So the call from our childhood friend-Qistina yesterday morning brings over a bad news.
Her father;happen to be my dad's friend passed away due to liver failure..
RIP Uncle C.Radheen..

It was shocking;as the last i met Uncle Radheen when Qistina just gave birth he was totally fine;chatting and joking with me when isit my turn to get married and have a baby..
:(

So yes,life is short.
The sights of Qis's and her siblings's tears to their father's death still lingers in my mind.
My mummy said they're all gonna be fine- all grown up successfully thanks to their strict late father and kind-soft hearted mother..

Over dinner last night,all of the sudden my sis ask..

"Sissy,what if its our father...?"

We both start crying.

WE CANT IMAGINE IF DADDY IS NO LONGER AROUND.

*Dad is the man that i love the most in my life-tho i never said it to him; i know he knew.

*Dad was there ALL time when i was having hard time.

*Dad is my full time driver,bodyguard,financial advisor,counselour from the day i born till NOW-a 26 years and never complaint about being one.

*Dad knew me better than i am-and never insult me with the facts.

*Dad smiles and tell me not to repeat again for my own good each time i make any mistakes.

*Dad sacrified his everything for the family.


And so yes,everyone knows i'm the 'Daddy's girl'-
and i cant never live without him.

between shoes that i FANCY,LOVE,ADMIRES and OWN.

everyone knows i'm a shoe addict.

i bought more than 3 pairs of shoes every month,tho' i'm broke.

i rather skip my lunch;or dont pay my bills for shoes.

i have no what so ever limit there.

i'm loyal fan of shoes.

i fancy all kinna shoes that makes my legs looks longer.

i love all kinna shoes that came with great colour.

i admire all kinna shoes tagged with four figured price.

so i owned lotsa shoes which people said looks fab and fine on me.

but suddenly i felt like i'm missing something.

i dunt need that many shoes.

i need just a pair of shoe that fit soo right on my feet that makes it a 'breezee' for me to walk with for entire life of mine.

i need that particular one pair that make me smiles.

one that protects my feet.

that gimme a piece of mind...

...and yet-why i did let that simple,comfy and dependable one walk away to other people?

oh crap, i cant lie-

i absolutely not talking about shoes here.

full stop.

...banyak sangat nak story telling but dunt even know where to start!

MONDAY talkss....

...last nite went back @11.30 pm,reach home by 12++,slept @ 2am,wake up @5.45am,reach office @6.15am and now I'm begging for this cuppa coffee to start kicking already~~!

and NO,NOOoooo...I'm ain't COMPLAINING.

:)

Despites all the sulking..i still thinks he's my world~

so its Sunday and I start work at 3pm today.I was suppose to be in the morning shift;7am-3pm by right..but due to some unforeseen circumstances;had to change my shift with the other teammate and yes;im ain't gonna COMPLAINT.

~well at least i still got sometimes with The Boyfren in the morning(he slept over) and snapp..!he got me a brand new killer wedges heels and a new dress when we went out yesterday.after me/thanking him for all the sweethearts;he then asked what do i get for him?well...my answer will always be;" I gave u lotsa unconditional loves,smiles,kisses and of course not-to-forget;i did paid the for the movie ticket and the mummy Pizza Hut lunch using the pocket money u just gave me yesterday aite?"

;p

i'm such a typical witch.

But seriously;i dunt really buy things for him.Shakir seems not to fancy those expensive clothing and stuffs.He's just a typical engineer with beaten jeans and t-shirt.he dunt even like using strong perfumes unless its formal event or he's going out with me.i guess he still have that Clinique Happy i bought for him sometime ago.But,he wud really spent his money for his hobby instead.His loorrvve towards fishing is indescribable,so you can expect those fishing equipments filling up the apartment~

So its our 4years of anniversary being together next month on the 11th and for the first time i bought him something he really deserve.He's been complaining about his current HP pda phone being so slow..so since i know he's too busy to read this page nowdays,im not scared to announce what i have in store for him;i guess he deserve some IPhone aite?

(sshh...promise me u're not gonna tell him!)

Cant wait for the day to come!

:))

*

so its been a while since i blabber here..gosh zillions stuffs happened in life i dunt even know how to start..!

but seriously;how i realise I've missed too many good things in life and i hate the fact that i will never ever get them back somehow...tho' I'm praying hard they all will come back in one piece and how people telling me those things might be rolling back to me;i strongly feel its impossible and EVEN they did comes back-the situation will never be the same and;the losing part still be ME...and this thick hard pain in my heart still be there no matter what~

and pain will remain with the scar for sure~

*RIGID*

Some new updates!

..So Ramadhan has past and now its Syawal..
Life's has been hectic nowdays,tons of goods and bad i dunt even know how to describe..But all i know;I cant be thankful enough to The Almighty for my every breath to spent with all my love oness..

Fasting.
I normally will end my fasting halfway daily as i need to take my medications.But the whole fasting month was definitely meaningful to me;the month where i just want to wake up at 4am with my parents;eating mom's or dad's cook solely and listening to Al Quran reading right after that is heavenly peaceful...:)

Cupcakes Raya project.
Right before Ramadhan;i told everyone that its gonna be a break for me as i want to rest abit form all the baking.But;last week i got a call from my ex colleague @ Citigroup ordering for 540pcs of Festive gift box containing 2 mini cupcakes.At first i had to decline the order due to last minute order and thinking of the manpower i have;but most of my family agreed to take part in the project and we said yes at the end.The baking started immediately;but...at the very last minute;8 hours before the delivery time;our icing machine broke-down on us left me floop down on the floor.I never slept that nite;doing all the topping and butter cream mixing by hands!thank God my brothers came home early for Raya and my sis scarified her sleep also to give me a hand.The person that i cant thank enough shud be my father;as he was the one who stand behind all the work;running here and there to buy stuffs;labelling,packing,clean up all the mess @ our bakery room,etc,etc..he's some superman;i would say~
We were abit screwed on the delivery part;thank God CITI people was a bit patience with our late 'service'..All finally done!Pheww~!!

Raya
Hmm..we all still tremendously exhausted due to the two-days lost of sleep for the cupcakes project.But mom still managed to cook some Ketupat and Chicken Rendang and my sis n her hubby also got us some cookies.Normally on the raya eve i wud be the one who bake all the 'kek lapis' and raya cookies;but this year i was really tired and sleep earlier than anybody else!And some more on the Raya day i'm working-but managed to changed to afternoon shift...So the raya day was okay;spent the whole morning with family and the afternoon at work.At work,was rather quite so i spent most of the time lepaking watch tv and Facebooking...:)

Shopping Spree
And yesterday,after sooo long;i gave the so call treat to myself.Went shopping with my brothers and got myself n my brothers new perfumes,refill for my compact powder,blusher and few tubes of lipsticks,some hair treatment,a sunblock n mist spray,buy a Nike shoe for lil bro and Polo shirt for big bro,treat them movie and nice dinner also....Hmm...nice~~

And today,at this point of time i'm at work-lepaking while the boss will be late and the whole hotel seems not to be awake-yet..

Yabedabedu~~~!

hmm..?

-lost words to blog nowdays;had a feelings as if i'm talking to myself~

A little too not over you~

It never crossed my mind at all

It's what I tell myself

What we had is come and gone

You better offer someone else

It's for the best, I know it is

But I see you sometimes

I try to hide what I feel inside

And I turn around

You're with him now

I just can't figure it out

Tell me why you're so hard to forget

Don't remind me,

I'm not over it

Tell me why I can't seem to face the truth

I'm just a little too not over you

Memories supposed to fade

What's wrong with my heart

Shake it off, let it go

Didn't think it'd be this hard

Should be strong, moving on

But I see you sometimes

I try to hide what I feel inside

And I turn around

You're with him now

I just can't figure it out

Tell me why you're so hard to forget

Don't remind me, I'm not over it

Tell me why I can't seem to face the truth

I'm just a little too not over you

Maybe I regret everything I said

No way to take it all back, yeah

Now I'm on my own, how I let you go

I'll never understandI'll never understand

Tell me why you're so hard to forget

Don't remind me, I'm not over it

Tell me why I can't seem to face the truth

I'm just a little too not over you

Tell me why you're so hard to forget

Don't remind me, I'm not over it

Tell me why I can't seem to face the truth

And I really don't know what to do

I'm just a little too not over you

finally got time~!

hey peooplee i'm back...!

..first thing first;Happy National Day and Ramadhan..
wow its been a while since i got time to blog...its Malaysia's National Day and my parent's wedding anniversary;and i'm working on 12nn to 8pm shift..pftt.

its also a fasting month and to tell u the truth;the challenge of working in a hotel's operation environment is rather...a pain in the a**!seriously,i am trying my best to stay calm and just tolerate those dungu brain's stupidity but sometimes;they really went up high to my nerves and i cant help but to show them my true color..hmm..what else can i do?someone need to give them some lesson and if the rest of my teammates choose to stay quiet and let those f***kers do what ever they want;lemme be the person who stand for our right...hahaha...i bet i'm gonna get famous for a wrong reason very2 soon...~~

so u see,few things happen in my life lately until at some point i felt like i have no idea who the hell i am anymore...

*The Boyfren dislike my current career;claim he felt 'one kind' describing to his fellow frens what i'm doing at the hotel...

*I had to time to pamper myself anymore..or shall i say;its not the time thats stopping me but rather i am trying to adapt to changes in my life;thats mean i had to ditch all those pedi-medi,shopping,movie treats and good meals in order to safe more money for the future..huhu..but people say no pain no gain rite?

*I'll be working morning shift on the Hari Raya day;last year on the Raya eve i told my mom that i wont be celebrating Hari Raya at home this year(we had a quarrel)...so i guess my wish did comes true rite?

*I cant stand the medicines i'm taking anymore;(im sorry hney yes i lied to you-i skipped soo many treatments already)...but seriously..im okay..not weak or something..

*OMG...i never sleep in my bedroom for the longest time;wanna know why?IT HAS TURN TO A BIG RUMAH SAMPAH and i have no idea how to clean up the mess!it remains locked so that my mom cant enter the room!Hahah!

*My BFFs claims im no longer Becky Bloomwood-i dunno how shud i react;am i suppose to be jumping or crying?

*I'm missing someone I KNOW i'm not suppose to.Wow.

They said don't judge book by its cover~

gee,hell i know why my first impression over people is always wrong.

i wonder why my dungu brain keeps on judging people by their look,their attire or shall i say in precise-by physical.

hmmmm....

sunrise that i experience a while ago~

..the sunrise view..from my workplace...

..so its Teusday..i suppose to hit the gym after work today as per my promise to The Boyfren;but somehow i forgot to bring my gym bag and no way i'm gonna go back just for the bloody bag.I'm sorry honey;not today okay?I promise i'll go tomorrow and not gonna waste the membership fee that you've pay for me...:)

Hmmm...its seems to be quiet today in my workplace..the boss called said she gonna be late and as usual;the guest might be still sleeping..so here i am killing time by blogging and stalking my frens @ facebook and some new blogs that i found recently....well,guess its gonna be a long day...~~

some new update~ :)

...so im in the morning shift today;quite a culture shock for me especially for the early wake up call from my mom...its REALLY has been a while since i wake up this early...haisshh...so sleepy seyy~~

..and last week was hectic;thats all i can say..tho i was straight in the afternoon shift;but my morning was filled with baking and babysitting my nephew.Some more there was this big function was held in the hotel and the whole place went crazy!but i guess this week gonna a bit lighter,so i'm gonna have time for gym and stuffs...:)

..and it was my day off yesterday.We (me and The Boyfren) went for movie(damn The Proposal is sooo coolll~~!i just lurrrve Ms.Bullock soo freaking much!).

..

had fun yesterday;he bought for me a new watch,two pairs of fab leggings and i also got my self a cute diamante slips on.we hang for about an hour at the MPH too (me siting down pick new baking books as usual)and had a great lunch together...I miss this time;we're planning to go for a short trip soon..cant wait!

i am currently so attached to this few stuffs as i need to looks fresh and 'colour' my face at work.The Clinique Double Pressed powder is keeping it's promise to superfine my not-so perfect skin and indeed do stay long lasting while the other two-Maybelline gel eyeliner & Silkygirl's mascara never let me down so far;i was quite shock with the facts that this two cutie are really good compare to their price..i use to spent more than rm70 for mascaras and they still sucks..i was given this cuties from my fren who's working in the magazine;claiming it'll work magic compare to one that i'm using and yeah;she was right...!thx ms.beauty writer..pls get me somemore new stuffs esp perfumes for me to 'try'..;p

hhmmm.....the bosses is not here and and the guest seems to be still in bed..so i guess its time for my Joss Stones cd then...

Happy Monday,folks!

What filled my weekend last week~!

..

Hantarans for my fren,Sabrina;for her engagement to Syed~I did for both sides...was not an easy job i'd say~

hmmm....

..we get hurt easily.
especially me;SERIOUS SHIT EASILY.and i always wonder why this people i love so much can hurt my feelings in such way just by their words.i'm trying my best not to throw back some nasty words to them to vomit out my anger,and proud i maintain that way.i find it better to keep quite and swallow everything to myself in order to make them understand that i love them unconditionally and i will not do the same as i dunt want them to feel bad as i am now..all i can do is REALLY shut my bloody mouth,nod and walks away...

really,this people will never have any idea when will i REALLY walk away and never come back,u see.

WTF,change topic.

i'm on two days rest from work for my medical thingy and i got zillions to do at home,finishing the hantaran for my fren,baking,laundry and my rooms is in mess like hell!Aiyoohhh...got time or not la wei....

work was fun actually.met new people,learn new things and my lady boss is super nice~~~!and u see,i'm a newbie there,so i expect to see those snobbish face and attitudes/underestimates and annoying stares-not new to this line and i know how bitchy hotel's front office people can be...its okay;i'll stay 'newbie' for a while.gimme some time till i can fully spread my wings and show them my true colors..no ONE mess with this ass okay~heheh!

BFF Fawow..i know u'll be reading this i want i want emphasis here..IM NOT ANGRY WITH YOU and u r so gonna some back again and we'll lepak okay?:P

okay..i guess i gotta move my ass and start 'kemas' now..

me and sis,Lyn playing around at Jusco~

.....laterrrr...!

....tireddd..........!

So its tomorrow~

so today is finally here.the last day of my honeymoon period of being an unemployed queen.i have this mixed feelings somehow that i cant even describe.well,definitely i'm gonna miss waking up late and just anyhow-anytime baking as i like.not forgeting mom's nags,house chores and playing with my nephew the whole day.at the same time of course i'm excited for this whole new environment at the new work place.cant believe i'm dragging myself to the hotel line again!

i'll be at the operation side in the hotel;got all my stuffs ready for the big day tomorrow.a pair of brand new Alain Delon black heels,few charcoal color tights,also a couple of new pairs of black pencil skirt(the hotel do provide uniforms-but i always use my own black pencil skirt for the comfort) and some black hair clips to secure my hair as i need to 'bun' them up.thanks for The Boyfren for buying all those stuffs for me...:)))

wow.i'm back to the hotel line in the operation side.slightly lower post than what i use to do before,but i know,with that kinna experience and talent that i have in me from the past years of working experiences;i'm gonna shine at this hotel eventually..

God Bless~

drama again?

why am in having this mixed feelings?

haisshhh im in this situation again and i freaking hate it..i need need to get out of it.i suddenly despise drama..

finally there's some happy post~

some shots taken by myself after the job interview @ The Zon Regency last week..

Yay!of all the unhappy stuffs that's been lingering happily around me recently;finally there's a bit of good news that change the colour of my sky all of sudden...

i finally got a job.:)))
not the type like what i always dream-off;but its perfect for me now.
i'm praying for a whole new environment this time.

I'm back to the hotel line.

Banker turn to 'hotelier'.

Wow.
:)

Alhamdulillah.

not so happy;as always~

The buying power in ME.

I freaking hate it.Hate the fact that I walk in-to MNG and just STARE.

The superbly cute dress just cost RM159
The new arrival tote bag comes in my fave color just RM99
That fab cardigan in dirty grey that I've been looking for is RM139
And the khaki leggings is on SALE!

And I cant even buy any one of those!Its not that I dunt have enough cash for all that,but you see,I'm not working anymore;so the flow just came from the cupcakes project...and i have bills to pay for all those income!Huaaa....!!!

How about those 'to buy list' i have fr this year?Guess i have to scratch them away from my memory soon...:((

Gudbye my dear LV enamel bangle,CLINIQUE super fit make-up foundation,Jean Paul Gaultier Classique Fragrance,Chanel's White Lace ankle wooden wedges boots and the most I've been eyeing for;Mini HP notebook!!!!!

Huaaaaaaaaaaa....!!!!

Fuck off Citi for taking away my goddamnnn job!!!

My fear

I am never afraid of the water.Back then,i was very famous among my team mates how 'dolphin' I could be;the girl how specialize the most difficult routine & hold the record of 'Sleeping Dugong' (a challenge that we created;sitting down crossing both legs in a ten-meter deep pool water at the longest time.)Everybody knows i will only come out from the pool only when my skin can never take the pinch of the water's chlorine.

Ironically,i cant seems to explain why i'll chicken out each time saw a big waves or be in the middle of the sea.I cant help it but to shivers in fear each time saw a movie that involves sea too.How i fainted when i saw Titanic and The Perfect Storm was totally insane.

The deep dark blue tones of the sea water splashing,fighting with each other scare me to death!I keeps on asking myself why does this happen to me considering the fact that i'm indeed, a good swimmer.I want to overcome this. I dont wanna be such a chicken!

I am still in DARKNESS

Whenever we are in darkness, we have to know that there is light somewhere.

Sometimes it takes a while to get out of and sometimes it feels strange when i'm are finally out of it because i have gotten so used to that dim feeling.

But everything in life is for a reason- it may not turn out the way i've planned, but every experience was one to teach me, either about myself or about others, and to connect to the Higher Being who knows all.

With that realization, every heartache, loss and tear is a lesson to look back on, smile and say: i've learned from it, and i'm a better person because of it.Maybe i'm naive, or simplistic, i don't know. But it's a feeling i have, that somehow things will turn out because we have someone watching, and the dreams the we have aren't dreams after all.It's a wonderful, calm day and i've had a joyful few days....At least.

Naufal's First Bday~

Meet Uncle Hussain - Lagu Untukmu


Tiada bintang
Dapat menerangkan hati yang telah dicela
Bagai ku lumpuh tak mampu berdiri
Aku tetap begini takkan berubah kerna
Aku tetap aku dan alur hidup mu bukanlah aku


Guna hati akal dan fikiranku
Berbeza engkau dan juga aku
Dua hati yang tak mungkin bersatu

Adakah aku
Hanya bonekan yang enkau sering mainkan
Yang dikawal oleh jari jarimu
Ku punya hati dan perasaan
Pernahlah engkau fikirkan
Cukuplah cukup oh cukuplah


Guna hati akal dan fikiranmu
Berbeza engkau dan juga aku
Dua hati yang tak mungkin bersatu

Tak tahan tak tahan
Sabarku tak tertahan
Melayan sikapmu perawan
Berbeza berbeza
Kau dan aku berbeza
Kita memang tak serupa
Bebaskan
Ku ingin dilepaskan
Kita tidak sehaluan
Cukuplah sudahlah
Sampai disini sahaja
Hubungan kita berdua

**

My cayang nephew is not feeling well...
Cant take it seing the way he's breathing.Hard.

My tears just cant stop rolling out~

FYi,for those who care~

Cancer involving the liver

Reviewed by Professor Alastair J Munro, professor of radiation oncology

How can cancer involve the liver?

There are two ways in which cancer can involve the liver. The cancer can arise from the liver itself (primary liver cancer) or it can spread to the liver from a primary tumour at another site (secondary, or metastatic, cancer).

In the UK, secondary liver cancer is about 30 times more common than primary liver cancer. Each year there are about 90,000 patients in the UK with secondary liver cancer and about 3,100 with primary liver cancer.

Primary liver cancer

Primary liver cancer can arise from the liver cells themselves (hepatocellular carcinoma) or from the system of tubes that drains the bile from the liver (cholangiocarcinoma, gall bladder cancer).

Most patients with primary liver cancer have suffered previously from liver disease such as chronic hepatitis, cirrhosis or, in the less developed world, have been exposed to poisons from plants (aflatoxins).

Immunisation against hepatitis B might, particularly in the developing world, prevent many cases of primary liver cancer.

Worldwide, primary liver cancer is the third most common cause of death from cancer.

What are the symptoms of primary liver cancer?

People with chronic liver disease may develop liver cancer without noticing any new symptoms. The typical symptoms are discomfort or pain in the right side of the upper abdomen, weight loss and tiredness.

How is primary liver cancer diagnosed?

Primary liver cancer can be diagnosed using a combination of blood tests, diagnostic imaging and image-guided biopsy. The blood test that is most useful is AFP (alpha-fetoprotein).

These tumours will often show on an ultrasound scan, but for full assessment both CT and MRI scans are required.

A needle biopsy using ultrasound (or other imaging) guidance will usually confirm the diagnosis.

How is primary liver cancer treated?

Primary liver cancer is difficult to treat. Surgical removal is the best option but these tumours are often too large and too extensive for surgery.

For fit patients with limited tumours surgical removal may be possible. Liver transplant may also be an option.

Some tumours can be treated by injecting them with alcohol (PEI – percutaneous ethanol injection) or heating them with electrodes (RFA – radiofrequency ablation). This can be done by using needles passed through the skin or by using keyhole surgery.

A technique called TACE (transarterial chemoembolisation) can be used for more advanced tumours.

An interventional radiologist can place a catheter into the artery supplying the tumour and this can be used to deliver chemotherapy drugs mixed with a syrupy fluid directly to the tumour. This approach both delivers the cell-killing drug directly to the tumour and cuts off its blood supply.

Standard intravenous chemotherapy is occasionally used for inoperable tumours but any benefit is usually short lived.

Experimental treatments include biological agents such as cetuximab (eg Erbitux) and sorafenib or using catheters to deliver tiny radioactive pellets to the tumour (SIRT – selective internal radiation therapy).

Specialised techniques, involving the temporary placement of radioactive wires, can be used to treat certain primary cancers of the ducts within, or immediately adjacent to, the liver.

Unfortunately, survival rates for primary liver cancer are low – the three-year survival rate is less than five per cent.

Secondary (metastatic) liver cancer

Secondary (metastatic) cancer reaches the liver by spreading through the blood system from a primary tumour at a separate site.

In about 50 per cent of patients with metastatic liver cancer, the primary tumour is in the bowel (colon, rectum) or stomach. The other common primary sites are the breasts and lungs.

What are the symptoms of secondary cancer involving the liver?

The symptoms can include:

• tiredness
• loss of appetite
• nausea
• a dragging sensation or heaviness felt up under the lower ribs on the right-hand side of the body
• pain in the upper part of the belly, particularly on bending forwards.

In the later stages, the skin can develop a yellowish tinge (jaundice) together with fevers and drenching sweats, particularly at night.

How is secondary liver cancer diagnosed?

The diagnosis is usually made with a combination of imaging tests (ultrasound, CT scan, MRI) and image-guided biopsy. Sometimes blood tests, for example a CEA (carcinoembryonic antigen) test, in someone with a history of bowel cancer may also be useful.

How is secondary liver cancer treated?

The treatment of secondary (metastatic) liver cancer is determined by the site of origin of the original (primary) tumour.

It’s important to realise that the tumour, even though it has spread to the liver, will still behave according to its origin. A leopard does not change its spots: breast cancer involving the liver behaves like breast cancer, not like primary liver cancer. Consequently the outlook can be rather better for patients with secondary, as opposed to primary, liver cancer.

Surgery is increasingly being used for patients with secondary liver cancer. This can sometimes involve removing a segment of liver.

Alternatively, keyhole techniques can be used to apply extreme cold (cryosurgery) or heat (radiofrequency ablation – RFA) to localised areas of the liver.

Selective internal radiation therapy (SIRT) is an experimental technique that involves delivering microscopic radioactive spheres directly to the tumours via their blood supply.

The presence of secondary cancer within the liver implies that the primary tumour has spread via the bloodstream and as a result other organs may be at risk.

It is sensible, therefore, to consider using a treatment such as chemotherapy, which acts all over the body. The type of chemotherapy used will depend on the type of primary cancer.

Hormone treatment is an additional option for patients with cancers of the breast or prostate that have spread to the liver.

untitled*

really.
how i wish everything cud go by my way.
but i just cant.

at this point of time,i seriously think i have no directions in life.
i barely do anythin,let alone to any decision.

i walk to no where,benefiting no one;even myself.

what i can do is sit down and ponder,when things will go my way.

i cant seems to bring out the soldier in me.
she stuck there somewhere.

and yes,i know that someone i used to hurt so much giggling happily now shouting "karma's hitting you" to me now.

Sakit. Sangat2 sakit.
Maybe some things are MEANT to be broken.

*******

Terkapar-kapar ku kelemasan
Sakit dilambung ombak kerinduan
Di dalam tidur di dalam jaga
Diburu oleh mimpi yang serupa
Mengapa aku jadi tak menentu
Keranamu...

Ku menyusuri jalan berliku
Membiarkan hari-hari berlalu
Tiada salam tiada pesan
Memaksa diri untuk melupakan
Namun wajahmu bermain di mata ku
Tiap waktu...

Malam ku suram, siang ku kelam
Ku kegelisahan, mencari-cari
Kemana pergi, harga diri ini
Bertanyakan berita, merisik khabar
Mendengar cerita, melaluinya
Kau kuhampiri, tiap hari
Bersama luka dihati

Mengapa aku jadi tak menentu
Kerana mu...

speechless*

I have zillions things to say actually;wonder why now days its all doesn't come out right...

A couple found @ Oldtown White Coffee

..their very first plan....but this book suddenly comes to the picture..

and The Girlfren cant resist;

..the pages on the new purchased book seems to be...

...wonderful!!

...so the white coffee got ditch!

...with a -going-bored-The Boyfren

...he got curious,

...oh...B...tomorrow bake this for ME. :P

freaking hate it when my MMC reader spoilt.
really..
like shit.

...

Sometimes, I just don't know who the hell I am.

Busy doing what?

So recently life's has been baking cupcakes,tahan sakit,looking out for a stable job,nanny-ing Naufal,fights with mom and house work.

Is it worth it?
Hmm......

Farrah Fawcett instead of MJ

So i had a terrible fever the other nite;end up sleeping with my mom downstairs.And when i wake up the next morning still with a big rock on my head,she wake me up with a shocking news that Micheal Jackson died.Wow.
She immediately asked me shud i call Yasso;my close schoolmate girlfren who happen to be a die hard fan of MJ since we were in secondary;but I guess she wud have known about it earlier than us as i saw the news was all over the tv or radio..Everywhere!
Yes its shocking,but it wasn't as shocking as when i switch on TCS5 at 10am to found out that it wasn't MJ alone who just died;Farrah Fawcett;the Charlies Angel icon passed away to at the same day!I burst into tears so badly,really cant take it.

No I'm not a die hard fan of Farrah.Why i am so devastated about her death is;she died because of the same sickness that I'm having and holy,i am terrified!Ever since i was diagnose with this thing,i did lotsa research about the sickness and found out that Farrah also battling the with it since few years back.I was attracted with her stories on how she fight with this.
I remember one sentence she said in some tabloid about what she's facing;
" I don't remember what pain I'm having.I just know i wanna live years and years more so i can lead my son to be a better man"

And now she's gone and I dunt even know what to say.I'm not giving up yet;I'm just...blank.I honestly dunt know what is waiting for me but i have lotsa thing to live for and i need to be strong.I need some miracle,fast!

Some said may 'Farrah Fawcett the Cahrlie's Angel' finally rest in peace with the real angels,
I'd say; 'may i have a longer time than her to survive this battle exclusively for me to have more time for my love ones!

SEPI

Ku mengerti perpisahan ini
Bukan kerana kau membenci
Tapi kasih yang pernah ku beri
Tiada lagi bersama
Sering kala aku terlihat kan mu
Impian nan indah bersulam bahagia
Ku harungi hari demi hari
Bersama wajah tak mungkin akan kembali
Tapi hati masih tak terima
Ditinggalkan sengsara
Keraguan ini bukan lah padamu
Perasan hati masih rindu
Kekalutan ini hanyalah untuk ku
Tercari-cari bayangan mu
Tak sanggup aku
Kehilangan....
Kehilangan....
Kasih,
Tercari cari....
Keraguan ini bukan padamu
Masih tercari-cari bayangan mu
Tak sanggup aku
Kehilangan
MU....

..got mellowed by this song by Anuar Zain suddenly.Syahdu~~

..So as per The Boyfren said; i really need to have a stable job.
The cupcakes project seems to overwhelming but it might doesn't comes often...Yea he maybe right.
You see,i do believe i did kick off at some interviews recently,sent in my cv to every Tom,Dick and Harry company that advertised a vacancy;but seems like no one calls me back.
Am I not good enough for them?
Gosh i had no idea.
What I know when i was at Citi,I was one of the 'talented' one but ever since they kick me off;I suddenly turn to this Erin Brokovich and blessed with critical illness in her.Wow.Aint that what we call ironic?
So I know mom's not proud.Can see from her eyes and words that I'm such a lousy unemployed daughter that's been so stubborn not taking a good care of her own self so now already become sick and she had to take care of me instead of the other way round.Hmmm...
While daddy keeps on finding on another alternative how to give me a better treatment or get me a job;I'm trying my level best not to bothers anyone/I went for my treatment by myself,pay my own hospital bills,this and that all by myself.
Of course the clise' sentence gonna come out from my mouth; as if i want all this to happen?As if!!
My doctor just call and told i need to be more serious in preventing those cancer cell from growing-i told her; heck care doc;letme die faster i need to stop hurting people and myself...
*deep breathe*

Ok,whatever.Damn this flu is getting of my nerve!

The cupcakes project

~So last week has been so hectic.My sis,The boyfriend and I start our cupcakes project and it was tremendous!

Our family and The boyfren loves cupcakes and baking so much..one day when i bake cupcakes for my girlfrens and everybody said the cupcakes i made taste good and we just go like;hey,why not start our own cupcakes business?
And the rest is like what they said-history!

So from research of recipes,baking and cake deco techniques,buying all the baking and cake deco tools,set up a small bakery station for us in one of the room upstairs,taking orders for father's day...all just happen so quick i cant believe we even did it!

kudos especially to The Boyfren,my sis,daddy,brother and his girlfren,Lyn for putting so much help!And on Saturday nite,The Boyfren and i didnt sleep;stay the whole nite doing the cupcakes's deco..And i bet everybody will be surprise how creative Shakir cud be!He was the director of all,tell me what nice or not;helping me to do the dishes,running ups and down to bring stuffs from my mom's kitchen to our bakery stations,choose all those cake decorating tools by himself,alter the cake box,etc,etc...I tell you,I'm blessed with such a super boyfren!Thx hney..you're the best! muacchhh!!

I'm so glad our customer loves the cupcakes...I'm still doing research for a new recipes and for all this blessings and lovess;I believe i can make it..
I even almost forget there's a little lump of a caner cell in one of my organ..:)Thx for all the loves everybody...

And I guess our choice of tag line 'Cupcakes for lovess...' is definitely worth it!

:))

fish suppose to be fren,not food!

What a better way to wake late on Monday morning just to see your cat jump onto your dressing table and that fave Estee Lauder blusher palette of yours crashed down to the floor and you u cant save any single pieces anymore?
Hua......!!
It cost me bloddy 300 bucks!!!
Hmm.......
Actually losta thing need to do today,i better get going.
And holy cow!
Mommy's cooking FISH again!!!!
huaaaa.....
soo makanan orang sakit!!!!!
'fish suppose to be fren,not food!!!!!'

11.30am-today-

Aiiyohhh!!

-wake up late with headache-hospitals-baking-looking for new cupcakes recipes-job interviews-gym-calling people here and there-listen to my mom's nag-

huh/

who said being 'jobless' is 'lepak'?

i strongly refuse to AGREE!

urgghh!

The Climb Miley Cyrus

I can almost see it
That dream I’m dreaming but
There’s a voice inside my head sayin,

You’ll never reach it,
Every step I’m taking,
Every move I make feels
Lost with no direction
My faith is shaking but I
Got to keep trying
Got to keep my head held high

There’s always going to be another mountain
I’m always going to want to make it move
Always going to be an uphill battle,
Sometimes I’m gonna to have to lose,
Ain’t about how fast I get there,
Ain’t about what’s waiting on the other side
It’s the climb

The struggles I’m facing,
The chances I’m taking
Sometimes might knock me down but
No I’m not breaking
I may not know it
But these are the moments that
I’m going to remember most yeah
Just got to keep going
And I,
I got to be strong
Just keep pushing on, cause

There’s always going to be another mountain
I’m always going to want to make it move
Always going to be an uphill battle,
Sometimes I’m gonna to have to lose,
Ain’t about how fast I get there,
Ain’t about what’s waiting on the other side
It’s the climb (yeah)

There’s always going to be another mountain
I’m always going to want to make it move
Always going to be an uphill battle,
Sometimes you going to have to lose,
Ain’t about how fast I get there,
Ain’t about what’s waiting on the other side
It’s the climb (yeah yeah ea ea)

Keep on moving
Keep climbing
Keep the faith baby
It’s all about
It’s all about
The climb
Keep the faith
Keep your faith

activities these days~

so many things happen this few days.
not happening also a lot..huhu...

i'm tired looking for jobs,end up spending too much time working out in the gym untill my doctor screw me upside down,lost appetite,busy updating my new bog for bridal bouquets,finding recipe for cupcakes projects...

but the most important,gonna spent this two days with The Boyfren.
hmm...

...damn tired la looking for job....~~~~

y la this kinna drama has to happen in my life...

tho' Im trying hard to let it go;forget things, I cant help it but to vomit out this disappointment thats been bugging me..Yes I know The Boyfriend has warned me about this person;but i denied all and thought that The Boyfren just being jealous,being typical him...

but now,when the truth has finally greet me with the nastiest sarcasm,eventually i felt the pang on my cheeks...And i promise,this is it.I cant take it anymore..

I know this person for almost 3 years.Used to be The Boyfriend's uni-mate.

Somehow we got 'kamceng' n become close friends.Share a lot of interest together,inside stories about each other and always there for another esp when we have a problem in relationships.He once;had a conflict with his girlfriend ( now which an ex-) and I was there being a listener for him all the time...

And there was a time also that i had an attempt to introduce him to some of my girlfriends,knowing that he keeps on complaining how lonely he was.Had no one to share that love in him.

And yes,of course when i had a problem with The Boyfriend,he was there to help me to work out things and i apparently reconcile with The Boyfren.He was the one i call 'buddy made from heaven'!

But some strange things happen lately.I had some kinna short break with The Boyfren few months back and this particular fren starting to acts differently.The way he talk,the way he share things is totally differs than before.

Sometimes i felt he care too much,sometimes he told me that it's good that i end up my relationship with The boyfren,sometimes he's sulking like a kid,and even play that i-have-to-avoid-you-for-the-sake-of-your-relationship-!

WTH?I dunt know how to describe as i, myself confuse but just let it go...Without all this,my life is already hard and i dunt need another pain in the ass to bundle up my burdens..

So a couple days back,i happen to bump into a friend of his,and she told me something that i never expect this particular friend would ever say!

"He told me he really pity you that you're very sick.But he only likes to be your friend;not more than that..."

Holy mother f!!

He thought i have a feelings on him?

OMG.

OMG.

OMG.

OMG.

Thats it.He may thinks as how he want or tell people whatever he want;but NO.I never have that what-so-ever wild thing in my mind and tho' sometimes I do had a row with The Boyfren;i still love him and treasure him so much.

And to this person;thanks babe for the humiliation that you gave to me.

I will never ever forget!

http://ebrideinme.blogspot.com/ **The photographs on this page are presented to give you an idea of our bride's,bridesmaid's hand bouquets,corsage,hantarans designs exclusively for nikah,bersanding,wedding receptions and church ceremony.We offer exceptional service at great prices and can provide outstanding references. Kindly pls ctc us for any queries and booking @ 016-9211260 / ampivia.woods@gmail.com

to you once;that i call 'fren made from heaven~'

at this point of time..

i do need the support from all my love ones to varnish this pain that i'm having...i dunt know when i'm going...

i dont need confusions,being accuse,anger or even x sincere sympathy from some...huh..i x sampai hati to name YOU names!how can you simply make that kinna of assumptions on my feelings to you?without clarifying from me?i'm still alive,still can answer what so ever doubts you're having...

yes,i am fragile-but not yet broken.
yes,i am empty-but not a loser.
yes,i am weak-but not hopeless.

and by the way,i'm into Mens not BOYs!
(i heard the story from urfren)
so please dunt treat me like shit,as i never treat u like one.....
i dunt deserve this.

my current BENCi mode*

benci kena tindas.
benci org hung up the phone ble aku blom abis cakap!

ee..
i never do that to ppl okay!
y la some ppl can be so inconsiderate!

i need...

"...A silly mistake you made in the past months might bother you in the first week of the month but you know better than to sulk and cry over split milk so soldier on,girl!Learn from it and make sure it doesn't happen anymore!This month is filled with wonderful suprises and time will just whizz by so hang on and enjoy the ride!"-Female June 09

"...Your flair for the creative will attract attention from the right people and a simple change of direction will bring your individual potential to the surface.You may feel that all you want is a freedom to be your own person,but though relationships,you'll learn about yourself and life..."-CLEO June 09.

~~Hmm...so,you see..Normally,i dunt really givadamn bout what my horoscope will say.But while chroming tru the latest issue of my fave mags this morning,apparently I peek into that column and see what's in store there.Some of it yes,do sound like what happen in my life now...and for the first time i'm concern;what kind of CHANGE will come to be?Am I ready for it?Isit for good or bad?Hmmm...God knows..

To tell you the truth;i'm not working hard to find a new job for myself.Though few frens did suggest me this and that..I'm still here;sitting doing nothing,pondering what shud i really do.
I am in that 'culture shock' situation.But seriously,I dunt cry and cry regretting it.I want to bounce back and be on top again...But when?
Damn i have to stop being so complaisant with what i have now.
Hmm...
I need to stop procrastinate.

today,today...

Another day.
~~As much as I love not being at work,lazying around,read my magazines,watch DVDs,playing with my nephew,helping mom in the kitchen....I missed being at work.

Oh I'm such a freak!

Its been a while since I hit the gym.The reason why,because the gym is like only 10 floors away from my office and the reason i ever sign up for the membership is because of that convenience.See la how,maybe I'll be going to the gym today to meet up my BFF Lissy...

So as I wake up this morning,my cat Bb greet me with her meoww as usual;like asking me "whats for today?" or something...I then told her,maybe today we shud create a new office for me...As yesterday finally I went to that evil office and take all my stuffs.Hmm..I missed all my stuffs...

So now I have my own new office at home...unlimited access to anything,power speaker for my musics n the most important thing is....NO BOSSES BUGGING!!!!
Heheheheeeee.....

of course i'm gonna take back this wishing star of mine from the xmas tree...;p

my super doraemon drawer!semua adaaa...:)

my current boss...baik je die..siap admiring my photos!ahakss!

this frame has been with me since forever...sayang him so much!

****

....So after this i'm gonna pack my things and head to the gym...its been a while...My big bro gonbe back tonite..so i better get back early or not mommy gonna nag again..hmm...hope i dunt bump into that personal trainer i hate the most!hahaha....

(some of my bed readings...)

this one is nice..halfway readin it...

i think my room wall need a new paint...so one kind aredi the paint...

*xoxo*

你不是真正的快乐

人群中哭著，你只想变透明的颜色你再也不会梦或痛或心动了你已决定了，你已决定了你静静忍着 紧紧把昨天拳心握着而回忆越是甜 就越伤人了越是在于心留下密密麻麻深深浅浅的刀割你不是真正的快乐你的笑只是你的保护色你决定不恨了你决定不爱了把你的灵魂关在永远锁上的躯壳这世界笑了 於是你合群的一起笑了当生存是规则 不是你的选择于是你留着泪飘飘荡荡跌跌撞撞的走着你不是真正的快乐你的笑只是你的保护色你决定不恨了你决定不爱了你不是真正的快乐你的伤从不肯 完全的愈合我站在你左侧 却像隔着银河难道真的把遗憾一直到老了，然后再后悔你值得真的快乐你应该脱下你的保护色为什么失去了还要被惩罚呢?能不能悲伤全部结束在此 新开始活著....

me and my procrastinating behavior.
damn i gotta change before someone come and change ME.

*sigh*

My fren-Pearl's Wedding...

the door gifts,a couple of Ferrero Roches inside,all done by 5 of us from cs team for her...

Renu and Pearl's mommy

hand bouquet was done by me..:)

the GOOD and the BADDDDD!!!

...So its been more than a week since i become jobless.While being crumpled by the feeling of being such a loser,i cant believe that i actually fancy-being 'not working' anymore.

*one thing is,you see,i dunt have to wake up early again this days,dunt have to be confuse what to wear to work anymore,dunt have to think about those evil morning briefings,the datelines of this and that,the fattening lunch,the moron colleagues and the most-THE MONSTERS BOSSES!!

*I can find my own time for my medical treatments without the hassle of the process to apply annual leave.

*I can jolly well baking for my love oness anytime.

*I have the world of time to finish-up the hantarans jobs..

*Movies,DVDs timeeee....!

*I can now help mommy doing house work in the morning.

*Like today,i find it fun going out for lunch and jalan2 with mommy and nephew..

*I'm have more time to rest,and spent time with my love ones.

*Wow.Now i have time to read all those exciting articles in my fave mags that i ditch since forever!Each time the copies of those reach home,i just flip tru the pictures and thats it!Without chroming tru all the great articles like what i used to do..Yes,yes,i am a Female,CLEO,Oprah's freak... I'm the kinna person who will analyze each pictures,fashion entries,interviews,books or movie review and all column from A to Z...

*And i also now have time to read-up my 'later la if got time i read' in line;A Vintage Affairs,a couple of Sophie Kinsella's that haven't touch and some few A list biographys.

hmmm....and today i did some laundry,re-arrange some furniture in my room,cook dinner for mom n dad and bath my cat Bb.Wow..i really can do wonders not working.You're right Fawow...I need this.:))
cant wait till you some back-HERE.

but seriously folks,what i'm gonna miss about being at work is the ability to have my own money.And the shoppings.Hmm...guess i have to sacrifice my desire to have this baby from LV.I've been saving some portion of my pay for this-but now i have to save the money for other thing pulak....

hmm...its okay then..
Like The Boyfren said-"duniawi je tu..."
huhuhu...

bye-bye my dream babyyyy..

unless ade orang nak bagi as hadiah eh?;p

i pray~~

and for my lovelly BFF Fawow..

i'm reminding your AGAIN about signing up for Facebook.
pleaseeeee...?

Whole of yesterday project!

...some chip chocolates and vanilla muffins for my ex-colleagues.

pretty baskets from SSF Home Deco Mart

stuffs that makes me busy last week...

..Hantaran for Kak Fara''s wedding;
theme color was black,silver and white with fresh White Roses and Baby Breath details..
Thanks lil sis,dad and The Boyfren for all ur help!

Basket for Chocolates
Sireh leafs arrangement

Belt,wallet and watch.

Baju Melayu-this dulang not complete yet..:)

Simple...:)

Breathe No More

I've been looking in the mirror for so long.
That I've come to believe my soul's on the other side.
All the little pieces falling, shatter.
Shards of me,
Too sharp to put back together.
Too small to matter,
But big enough to cut me into so many little pieces.
If I try to touch her,
And I bleed,
I bleed,
And I breathe,
I breathe no more.

Take a breath and I try to draw from my spirits well.
Yet again you refuse to drink like a stubborn child.
Oh! Lie to me,
Convince me that I've been sick forever.
And all of this,
Will make sense when I get better.
But I know the difference,
Between myself and my reflection.
I just can't help but to wonder,
Which of us do you love.

So I bleed,
I bleed,
And I breathe,
I breathe no...

Bleed,
I bleed,
And I breathe,
I breathe,
I breathe-
I breathe no more.

very anxious about what gonna happen today...

save me!

..my spirit sleeping somewhere cold..
..wake me up,save me,call my name and save me from the dark,

..save me from the NOTHING i've become!

my fave*

So Shahre is home.First thing he do when he step his foot in KLIA is calling someone.The owner of the voice he missed so much.He adore so much.

It went to voicemail.So he text her.
I'm home girl.Going back to my parents now.
Call me back please.
I want too see you babe,I bought for you the red Mecca henna you like.

He made up his mind.He will not wait anymore.
This time I must tell her I love her.I want her to be my wife.I will give her all the happiness that she've been craving for.I want to see laughs and smiles on her face.I want to deliver my fullest love to her heart.

She went tru a lot.Battling with a weak heart,but she never gives up.We have been a good friends since day one I got to know her.We shared a lot of things.A lot of hopes.

And she's always been special.Special by the way she care,the way she share,the way she smiles.
Yes that smiles.I never see that kind of smile.When ever she smiles,her pretty brown eyes shined.Her blushed cheeks glows...

That's when I know I'm in love.In love with beautiful soul living so far from me.The distance of Egypt and Malaysia does not count.She's near to me.Deep in my heart.Like she once told;

"walaupun kita jauh,kita tetap pandang langit dan bulan yang sama.maknanya kita tak jauh Shahre,kita dekat di HATI..."

Well said.She and her beautiful words.Never let me down.Always there cherishing me all the way..

Its been a while,she still did not reply my messages.I tried to call again,this time there is a ringing tone but no answer.Maybe she's busy.I can wait..
Then my phone rings.I pick it up and hear a voice.

"Is this Shahre?Hi,I am Azreen's mother.Auntie saw your messages.You're in Malaysia now right?She is in hospital now,admitted since yesterday.You may want to come and see her.She's been asking for you."

And here I am sitting beside her holding her cold hand.Looking at her pale face.

Babe,I'm back to see you babe.I missed you so much.I love you babe.Please wake up and tell me you love me too..

She opened her and and smile.
Ya Allah..The smile that takes my breath away.

Be strong babe.Allah is with you.I am here with you.We fight this together okay?

"Babe you're here..Kita dah dekat but i'm going away.Shahre sayang...Kita tetap dekat di hati."

I can feel warm tears flooding my cheeks.So does she when she closed her eyes.I feel a pang on my face.
And now she's gone..

Kami tetap dekat dihati.
Dekat di HATI.

today is the DAY

gosh i just wish today never come.

my case @ work will be finalize @3pm later.

i know,no matter what self defense that i'll come out with,i will no in the winning side.

all facts are against me now.

i have no where to turn except to back off.

the hardest part is when daddy ask me in a very suspicious way why im not at work today.

for sure he gona be curious;this is no me.

normally tho sick,i will still make my way to that evil place.

damn,i could not look back at his sincere face.

im such a looser.

i shud be going and get dress now.

but this bod just cant move,stuck on my bed infront of this notebook.

i cant cry anymore.

had enough of those tears blaming myself for being so careless.

part of me said;

"c'mon girl,you did not fall yet okay,u just flooop abit ONLY...."

the other part of me crying so loud;people just dont know how much i give my all to Citi.

and it has to end like this....

disappointing....

If i were a boy?

So its Sunday and I'm home alone.

Its so sick having Sunday without Shakir's around...

My parents and lil bro is out to town to buy some clothes for lil bro.Daddy was kinna disappointed when i said I'm not in the mood to follow when he ask me to get ready.He told me maybe we can have a good lunchout or something.Sorry Dada'...

So here I am melayan my own boring peel front of this notebook;accompanied by this mango juice,egg sandwich that i just made and MTV channel.Some of the songs played do motivate me in their own way...
yeah,yeah...'hearts are broken everyday~...'

Hmm...Paramore's on air..I used to hate this band..have no idea why...my lil my bro keeps on promoting me their songs previously;none of them is my liking it seems.But this Decode song is not bad.But if you were to compare to my fave Eyes Sets To Kill...hmm....Not up to the mark yet.Maybe Paramore's too mainstream for me not like Eyes Set To Kill...

On the other hand,since this morning when i wake up,I was wondering..what if i was born as a boy?What if instead of Ampivia i'm Amri?Eee...Amri x sedap!How about Amzari?Hmm....
I wont be so handsome I guess.But cute..Hahaha...

I'll help daddy paint the house,wash the car.Bring the gigantic garbage bag out for mommy.Guide my sister how to ride a bike...

I'll learn how to play guitar at 7 years old.I'll swim play soccer like my bros.And ask chicks out...
Wow.What kinna girl would i like? Since i guess i'll be into rock music,I guess i'll look for my own kinna gurl.

like me.Ampivia.haha...

Hey I'm a dream kinna girlfriend okay!

Ask him.Go on..

;p

xoxo.Ampivia.

If I Were A Boy-Beyonce

If I were a boy even just for a day

I'd roll out of bed in the morning

And throw on what I wanted

And go drink beer with the guys

And chase after girls

I'd kick it with who I wanted

And I'd never get confronted for it'

Cause they stick up for me

If I were a boyI think I could understand

How it feels to love a girl

I swear I'd be a better man

I'd listen to her'

Cause I know how it hurts

When you lose the one you wanted'

Cause he's taking you for granted

And everything you had got destroyed

If I were a boy

I would turn off my phone

Tell everyone it's broken

So they'd think that I was sleeping alone

I'd put myself first

And make the rules as I go'

Cause I know that she'd be faithful

Waiting for me to come home, to come home

If I were a boy

I think I could understand

How it feels to love a girl

I swear I'd be a better man

I'd listen to her

'Cause I know how it hurts

When you lose the one you wanted

'Cause he's taking you for granted

And everything you had got destroyed

It's a little too late for you to come back

Say it's just a mistake

Think I'd forgive you like that

If you thought I would wait for you

You thought wrong

But you're just a boy

You don't understandA

nd you don't understand, oh

How it feels to love a girl

Someday you wish you were a better man

You don't listen to her

You don't care how it hurts

Until you lose the one you wanted

'Cause you're taking her for granted

And everything you had got destroyed

But you're just a boy

Love Me Butch;Reconcile.

one of the reason why i fallen into shakir's arms..

He's not that into you~

Ok,no more mellowing over stuffs.
Hmm...I just watch 'He's Not That Into You' again and makes me wonder on something..


Have you ever meet your soul mate after you already met someone?




You already met someone.Stung by love.He's all you're looking for.He takes care of you,adore you,accepting you as who you are,shared everything together and you even told your self-damn he's the ONE.And the step towards the great happy ending is not even something you'd call 'looking forward to it' anymore but its already there.Right in front of your eyes.


And suddenly there is HE is.
Another person jump into the picture and create another electricity sparks.At first you just think gosh he's hot;
"Oh I like that too~~!";
"Hey,thanks for being such a great listener";



...then after some conversations,companies and sharing toughts;you began to wonder;you two had so much things in common-where have u been all this while?Why dont you come earlier?Hmm.....


From the fancy;you began to adore.

From calling each other buddy;he began to call you honey.

From a "just to say hi" text messages;it went to "missing you".

From saving his number as the member of 'BFF' group in your cellphone; he's now on your top list of speed dial.

From sharing hobbies and interests you guys now talking tru some love song lyrics.


There's also a vow like "If by 40years old we're both single;lets get married"
And from the sayings of "I'll definitely take leave to attend your wedding" suddenly he said "Why you dunt see me 1st?,why u have to have him?"


And that's where u got stucked.
One is surely love you unconditionally and without doubts will be a great father to your kids;
The other one is the type that you would kill to marry.Or even date.



Which way would you go?

Tell what is your choice then I'll tell mine.
xoxo.Ampivia the great.

feelin low~

Its Saturday.
For the first time;i felt weekend is so empty.
And i dunt even want weekdays to come.
I dunt even want tomorrow to come....

So many obstacle i had face i almost give up..
Sometimes i feel like i got hit by some karma maybe.
I do treat some people like shit sometimes;so this is what im getting back.Wow.
How do i chrome tru all this?I have no idea..

citigroup.
I cant believe after all the years being proud with the title of Citibanker,I have to make a move in a very shameful way.Had some issue going on and i got no idea how to defend myself.Rarely me;Ampivia cant protect myself.And now,I'm in the middle of no where in the company;probably being ask to leave..I love CITI,but good things do not last long right?*sigh* Guess i have to start looking for a new job....Wonder if its gonna easy..I guess not.

Shut how do i tell my parents?Sot it,I'm in deep shit!

Aiyooohhhh!!!

i feel like shit.
totally like shit.

Sorry la ok?So what Im a bitch;but really-I dunt like u in my circle~

~so you see; really-I'm not that bad.But this particular person (lets call her Ms.C-i dunt even know her name!)that's been bugging my life & make me became one.

this the story-i happen to know this girl-working at the same building where i work.we 1st met in the elevator when she was being friendly by saying that i look good with that white Lacy Victorian dress I'm wearing and where did i get it from.So-myself was like; "Really?Thanks;its new;a gift from someone and she got it from Somerset Bay~"

And that's it.Thats when it all happen.

Two days later;when my BFF and I was mingling at the mall to skip lunch,BFF showed me this Ms.C was wearing the same dress that she puji-ing on me!In the same color!Well at first i was kinna embarrassed as i thought maybe she got the dress before me...

And then we bump into each other again fews day after that..this time AGAIN she said hi and told me she like my hair color(hers is black long nasty curls).And my handbag is nice;suits my heels.AGAIN she ask me where do i get them from-i just said bluntly the shoe and bag's from Guess.I purposely buy them in pairs to match the black suits im wearing...she smiles....

and guess WHAT!?

Not long after that;I spot her wearing the same GUESS heels;carrying the same GUESS bag!only in different color!Ok...that's creepy...

And not long after that...AGAIN my BFF told me she just saw Ms.C with the new hair style-exactly like mine!!!!
LIKE SAME LENGH;SAME COLOR;SAME VOLUME!!!
FUCK!?

Ever since then-shes been dressing herself 'me'.And each time i bumped into her-i tried my best to avoid any eye contact.And yes-my BFF do realized how this person will stare at me-checking out from head to toe each time.OMG...Whatta freak..

So on Monday-I was working out in a gym alone when all of sudden she appeared in front of me and try to create a conversations.I just smile and pretend to be busy each time she ask something..When she repeat again;i try to make my answers as short as possible.And she followed me all the way..from one machine to another-from steam bath room to sauna~Adooiiii!!!
Damn i hate her...

When finally she gave me that magic sentence that nite-

"So awak..terlanjur kita dua dah hangout kat cini ari2..boleh la kita geng..jadi gym bestfren..kan?"

Holy mother F!!!

NO WAY.
NO WAY.
SUPER BLOODY NO WAY U MS.COPYCAT PIMPLED FACED!!!!

I just don't know what got into me that nite-I just gave her that evil smile and vomit out-

"Thanks,But No thanks.I ONLY MINGLE WITH MY OWN KIND.I x pandai la nak berkawan.You cari orang lain je la k?Bye"

And walk off.

I saw she almost cry when i said that.

I know I'm such a bitch but i cant stand anymore.Babiiiii...its been more than 3 years since i tolerate this freak!

What would you do if u were in my place?

some recently taken from my mob

my lovey nephew yg nakal!

shakir n me after some muvee few months back

mothers day cupcakes from Mommy,Aunt & sis

long enugh?

Muhammad Naufal Akil again~

the so call 'rock love~'

him.and his hobby.

seriously dah berhenti berharap.

aku berhenti berharap

aku tak percaya lagi

dengan apa yang kau beri

aku terdampar di sini

tersudut menunggu mati

aku tak percaya lagi

akan guna matahari

yang dulu mampu terangi sudut gelap hati ini

aku berhenti berharap

dan menunggu datang gelap

sampai nanti suatu saat

tak ada cinta kudapat

kenapa ada derita

bila bahagia tercipta

kenapa ada sang hitam bila putih menyenangkan

aku pulang, tanpa dendam

kuterima kekalahanku

aku pulang,tanpa dendam

kusalutkan kemenanganmu

kau ajarkan aku bahagia

kau ajarkan aku derita

kau tunjukkan aku bahagia

kau tunjukkan kau derita kau

ajarkan aku bahagia

ajarkan aku derita

rebahkan tangguhmu

lepaskan perlahan kau akan mengerti

semua....

Clark Hatch Fitness Center,12th floor,City Square Office Tower.

...so this is my new hang out place.Nice environment,cute instructor,burn thousands calories..that 'xs' wrongly bought sized BCBG MaxAzaria LBD here I comeee....!

dont SPEAK!

You and me
We used to be together
Everyday together always
I really feel
That I'm losing my best friend
I can't believe
This could be the end

It looks as though you're letting go
And if it's real
Well I don't want to know

Don't speak
I know just what you're saying
So please stop explaining
Don't tell me cause it hurts

Don't speak
I know what you're thinking
I don't need your reasons
Don't tell me cause it hurts

Our memories
Well, they can be inviting
But some are altogether
Mighty frightening

As we die, both you and I
With my head in my hands
I sit and cry

Don't speak
I know just what you're saying
So please stop explaining
Don't tell me cause it hurts
Don't speak
I know what you're thinking
I don't need your reasons
Don't tell me cause it hurts

It's all ending
I gotta stop pretending who we are...

You and me I can see us dying...are we?

Don't speak
I know just what you're saying
So please stop explaining
Don't tell me cause it hurts (no, no, no)

Don't speak
I know what you're thinking
I don't need your reasons
Don't tell me cause it hurts
Don't tell me cause it hurts!

today

exhausting.yea thats the word.nothing else.

again today i'm asking myself;why this year has to be to ....unfriendly?i dunt gain/earn as much as i did last year;i was diagnosed wz 'a critical illness',so many drama happened,and yea...had lotsa conflict that made me sick..macam jatuh ditimpa tangga.

i'm not a complaint freak tho'..

but too many sad,anger and hates happening in me sometimes i found myself speaking tru song lyrics..uh...i need to get out from here...

GOD mercy~~

tunic

ahh..another tunic dress...i'm soo into tunic dress lately..they seems to make me look taller..hahah!

mission not-so-impossible!Heehhhehh!

so i spent the whole Saturday nite for this project...its 'Triple Choc' and the end result is yummy to the max...hahha...cupcakes anyone?

so this is the mission...


halfway done~

ermm...looks so one kind at first;i almost give-up!

after 20mins in the oven..looks kinna rock...

hahha...the done product!fresh from oven!waaa aku terror!!

lets try some topping~

cam terlebih jer?

ok la aite?for a beginner i think i hit it..hahaha..

some pieces for Wan Tsing!aiyoh not that va-va-voom but ok la kan?~~~

heheh!

so i saw The Xmen movie thingy last nite with my lil bro..
Hugh Jackman is hot.
till now still i cant get whats the full movie title..what ever la~

so hampeh today i gotta work while the rest still enjoying the 3 days weekend..
hhmmm.....

nothing to 'story telling' ler...

...silent mode-

Holy Holidayyy!

so its holiday today,i still wake up early tho had a late nite hanging around wz my lil bro last nite.had to be the alarm clock for The Boyfren as he's goin for a fishing trip.He's so excited..until didnt even ask what im gonna do today on holiday without him around.Normally he'll be keeping track sibuk2 asking what i'm gonna do esp if he's not around..

well now actually i'm all dressed up to go out.wanna do some shopping with my lil bro..its been a while since we both go out shopping 2gether..or maybe catch a movie or something..but forgetting thats today is Friday and he need to go for Friday prayer..no choice i have to wait..

hmm..wonder what to do~

i'm soo craving for Baskin Robins ice cream..and wanna go and buy some stuffs to bake cup cakes..yea i'm gonna try the cupcakes kit thats been on my table for quite sometimes already now..gonna bring them to my office on Monday..hope it'll be successful ones..

ok,my bro's back.better put on some lotion on my toes as i'm wearing my YSL

number../check-

boho dress - Jaspal
leggings - MNG

heels - YSL

clutch - Prada

*i'm all set!*

Tak Mungkin Kerna Sayang - Alyah

Setiba di persimpangan,

Langkah kita tak lagi sehaluan

Bermula di saat itu

Tidak senada irama dan lagu

Begitu hidup ini

Tiada yang abadi

Yang patah tumbuh

Yang hilang berganti

Kau telah jauh, jauh dariku

Tiada ruang di hati buatmu

Namun harusku akui

Ada ketika di minda kau menjelma kembali

Sekali segala ada

Ada rindu yang datang tiba2

Tak mungkin kerana sayang

Cuma terganggu oleh perasaan

Begitu hidup ini

Tiada yang abadi

Yang patah tumbuh

Yang hilang berganti

some recently taken~

mat saleh chelup baby~
for The Boyfren!

aren't this comel..got time to do o not?

love,love...

huh?!

Ampivia Woods

not like what i thought it would be!

emo lagi

adoi i cried like soo many times today.too many shit happen i'm vomiiting blood!wtf!

*had a tough time @work and The Boyfren was bz when i want to mengaduu!then i went sulking;he calls in few times to console but its too late.i cant be buying whatever excuses.yes maybe this may sounds bit patty but then;this is really the time that i need him aite?entahla.

*kinna had a fight with a fren.he used to be the one that i used to call 'best fren' but now i wanna call him BITCH.never expect he gonna be so damn kurang ajar;saying all those nasty thing which is so illegal in friendship terms.==>to you babe if u were to read this;- go la.i dunt care anymore.SORRY IF U THINK THAT IM BUGGING UR LIFE.i never thought that 'bugging' word will ever occurs in our friendship.first time in my life i'm regretting a fren.i'm deeply disappointed by all those bombastic words u just gave me this afternoon n yes-u are JAHAT!as i said its ok..i'm letting u go-to ur own way tho i care about u so much and this time i promised not to go after u anymore.nak mengungkit sikit-when the time u had a prob with ur gal;i remember i was there for u supporting u.and now when i'm in my worst condition-u told me u dunt care about ur surroundings?and u dunt givadamn?wtf?by the way i will never forget ur 'woo' word in ur text msg.EVER.

+some best part;Lissy and I went and sign up 1 year membership @ Clark Hatch today.saw some cute tighs.Mercy~~

+given extended dateline to this Saturday by some angelic soul.wow.:)

+lepaking wz e baby bro ;having he's semester break.part timer driver~~:)

sakit tau tak?

malas nak ingat...sakit hati..ni la aku;kalau emo mesti tetiba blogging cakap melayu.aku tgh emo ker?EMO~~~!

alahai~asal la susah sgt nak sayang org yg kite sayang?suka2 hati ko je throwing words kat muka aku.ingat aku takde perasaan ke?

oi budak hati batu!!aku sayang kat ko la~!!boleh tak stop being such a pain in the ass?

babi ah.

WHYYY?

dammit asal la today so shitty?adoiii!

*@ 11.30am my fave MNG dress that i wore today got stuck @ some drawer's end and its torn !babi...!end up gotta rush down to the Padini store downstairs to buy a new dress.sib baik lawa~-total lost- fave MNG tunic dress;RM289/new Padini Authentic two sided dress:RM159.(sabar Amp sweetheart~)

*didnt hit 20 accts done as per forecast @ work today.Aiiyohhh!!!-total lost; kena f by boss,tomorrow's target will come in bundle!!!(tomorrow shud i MC?)

*my best fren Yumi injured due to snatch theft on da way to work @8.30am.I cry when i see her;she was so 'blank' and..dunno what else to say..-total lost;a cute GUESS? handbag;car keys,$$$,valuable documents,injuries @ her hands,stomach and scratches @ her face-(THOSE THIEF;KARMA!!!!MAMPOS ARRR!)

*bought a new face powder @ Clinique...love the results @ 1st test then terus told the promoter-yes!paid for it...reach home take it out from the box just to find out the casing is in GREEN!!y la never check 1st?ARRGHH..!IHATE GREEEN!!!-total lost (RM95).(ok la..still bedak!)

*did some confession to someone-just to find myself regretting it.(Fuck.)-total lost;a best fren maybe.

damn im in this situation again.

damn i need to get out.
pain.
painful.

i love him.
terribly.

He's Not That Into You.

so i just watch 'He's Not that Into You' with The Boyfren.
well,i was taken aback..BUT-it is all true.

yes,there was a time i was drooling waiting for some ass.
after a while i realize..well,he could have just been sweet but hey-ass will remain ass as n ass kan?
unworthy~

and yes;because me/being so clever waiting for some sky-i did let go some sweet soul.
there was this pretty soul that could have been an angel if i were not to let him go.
he was..how do i say this..hmm..himself.yes we both know each other by heart;loves each other companies,call each other with sexy nicknames,share thoughts,dreams..but then my genius mind just thought - there's not much electricity sparks happening here...so i left him aside;going for some other ass..

by the time i want him back;he already given up on me.
i cud do nothing.
he just disappeared.
gone..
i still miss him tho'.
To that person that cud be readin this now;
I AM DEEPLY SORRY FOR WHAT I'VE DONE-
DEPPLY,DEEPLY SORRY.


xoxo.

KINGDOM OF HEAVEN

movie review;

historical drama inspired by the events of the Crusades of the 12th century. Balian (Orlando Bloom) is a humble French blacksmith who is searching for a reason to go on after the death of his wife and children. Balian is approached by Godfrey of Ibelin (Liam Neeson), a fabled knight who has briefly returned home after serving in the East. Godfrey informs Balian that he is his true father, and urges the blacksmith to join him as he and his forces journey to Jerusalem to help defend the holy city. Balian accepts, and he and Godfrey arrive during the lull between the Second and Third Crusades, in which the city is enjoying a fragile peace. Both Christian and Muslim forces are temporarily in retreat, thanks to the wisdom of the Christian monarch King Baldwin IV (Edward Norton), his second-in-command Tiberias (Jeremy Irons), and Muslim potentate Saladin (Ghassan Massoud). Violent agitators on both sides are foolishly eager to end the peace in a bid for greater power, and Saladin bows to pressures from Muslim factions; Godfrey is one of a handful of brave knights who has thrown his allegiance behind Baldwin IV and his community of diversity, and Balian joins him as they use their skills as warriors in a bid to build a lasting peace. Kingdom of Heaven also stars Eva Green as the princess Sibylla, David Thewlis as Hospitaler the priest, and Brendan Gleeson as Reynald.

==>I remember I went to see this movie ALONE out of loneliness few year back.I've been admiring this movie since then;and its always in my 'fave movie' list.Last nite it was premiered in TV3,and i know;lotsa ppl thinks this movie is some kinna crap.But,

its a good movie if you love history, but you watch it just for Orlando Bloom you will be bored to tears.Yes this movie vomiting the conflict between Muslim and Christians back then;but hey,wth?i have no idea why a lot of ppl badmouthing about the storyline of this movie-but i personally think the storyline is classic. Despite what some people have said I thought it was a great movie. I was surprised how great Orlando Blooms acting was, I saw him in The Lord of the Rings movies and thought he was just a pretty face that couldn't hold a movie on his own, but I changed my mind after I saw him in this movie. And check out Eva Greens eyes gestures in this movie?OMG if i were a guy;i'll be crazy bout her...

The movie makes you think twice about what you thought you knew about the history of Jerusalem and the religions that believe is a holy site. It is I little slow in starting, but it is well worth the wait. By the end of the movie you believe Orlando Bloom is Balian and you wished the ending was different. Dont believe everything you hear make up your own mind and give it chance you wont be disappointed.

and...one reason to see the movie would be for Edward Nortons performance as King Baldwin, i mean the guy isnt in the movie a whole lot but he practically stole the show..his acting was incredible! i'm falling sooo deeply in love with his voice and his whole costume here!Ghassan Massoud was also just awesome as Saladin,and of course there were others but to me those two were the best and are basically a reason why people should see the film...

get the DVD guys...:)

new bag!me/likey!

so some retail therapy after a harsh week.

MNG and me is bonding like nobody's business.

.....fab,fab,fab..!

anyone?

I'm standing on a bridge

I'm waiting in the dark

I thought that you'd be here by now

There's nothing but the rain

No footsteps on the ground

I'm listening but there's no sound

Isn't anyone tryin to find me?

Won't somebody come take me home

It's a damn cold night

Trying to figure out this life

Won't you take me by the hand

Take me somewhere new

I don't know who you are

But I...

I'm with you

I'm with you

I'm looking for a place

I'm searching for a face

Is anybody here I know

'Cause nothing's going right

And everything's a mess

And no one likes to be alone

Isn't anyone trying to find me?

Won't somebody come take me home

It's a damn cold night

Trying to figure out this life

Won't you take me by the hand

Take me somewhere new

I don't know who you are

But I... I'm with you

I'm with you

Oh why is everything so confusing

Maybe I'm just out of my mind

Yea yea yea

It's a damn cold night

Trying to figure out this life

Won't you take me by the hand

Take me somewhere new

I don't know who you are

But I... I'm with you

I'm with you

...

FOOTS ON THE GROUND

so today,this very moment; i am finally admitting to myself;i cant expect everything to follow my way.i had to move on and be thankful for all the blessing that i have.

sorrows,sadness,disappointments,anger please do not be so harsh to me.i am just a tiny soul trying my best to survive in this world.

coba

coba kau dengar
coba kau coba
diam bila ku coba
untuk berbicara dengan kamu
pernahkah kau anggap
bila ku perlu tuk meluahkan rasa hati
dan bila kau bersuara
setia ku mendengar
agar senang kau merasa

siapa sebenarnya aku padamu
mungkin sama dengan teman lain
yang bisa kau buat begitu
dan bila
tiada lagi teman bermain
kau pulang mendapatkan aku
itulah aku padamu

coba kau lihat
coba kau coba
renung ke mata ku
bila ku kaku melihatmu
pernahkah kau ada
bila ku perlu tuk menyatakan rasa sakit dalam diri
dan bila kau perlu
setia ku menunggu
agar senang kau merasa

kerana ku tak pernah
terlintas tuk menulis padamu
salahkan ku tak mungkin lagi aku meminta
untuk kau mendengar untuk kau melihat ke mataku..

for 'TEMAN' yang tak mengenang BUDI.
KARMA man.
KARMA.

darling dunt lie to me~

...sometimes its so not worth it to sacrificed life for someone we care soo much aite?
to u my super babe;THX.

God promised a KARMA and we all know He's not lying.

Could This Be Love by Jennifer Lopez

If you only knew
What I've been going through
Waiting and wanting you
Could this be love

How, tell me how will I know
Will my heart make me believe it so
Or can I trust the way I feel
If you could read my mind
You see how hard I've tried
Still I can't decide

If you only knew
What I've been going through
Waiting and wanting you
Could this be love
Oh, tell me could this be love

Do you know if it's true
That real love lasts a lifetime
Does it shine like the stars up in the sky
And do you know if you can fall for
Just a moment
Is a moment for all time

Why, why am I so unsure
Is that love knocking at my door
Or the sound of my beating heart
If you could read my mind
You know
I just can't hide
What I feel inside

Oh, tell me could this be love..?

(~~~I'm admiring the sexy tunes & words of this song.. damn hot.)

anyone experience this?

so secretly,I've been having a crush on this blogger chap...
been a loyal fan of him without him even knowing...and i love reading his crappy entries....on how lonely he is being single and not knowing how to make a move whenever he fancy someone...dammit he's so super cute,smart and ..
hmm...
only for me to know~

and its been a while since he wrote.
i've been missing his story,and of course his latest news..
but i patiently just wait...

he once said hi but i didn't reply;
tho that was the time i was in the middle with The Boyfren..i dunt know...we're just too far and i damn scared to start things....
its too good to be true!

so yesterday i went and visit his page-after a while;
just know that he's declaring a 'SHE' in his life.
I floop..!!!
not to say that i'm disappointed;
I AM HAPPY FOR HIM OKAYY...
he sound soo happy.and blessed.
but....
entahla~

~and his new entries is not the same anymore-
no more stuffs like "im soo lonely,sweet nice angel pls drop into my life..."

no more mystery.
all about his bloody new life..how sweet it seems to have someone loving him unconditionally.
i've heard that kinna la-di-da...
too many from a 'kaum' call MAN.
n i'm soo cien' (jelak) already...


hmm....i'm such a freak.

cover me up!

Cover me up with black sheets;black out my fire and get to me punish my soul seeping through burning wounds, i betray... from selfish battles i lose so smother me in this thick smoke let full fire burn let full fire burn; im trapt in flames let light take over me let light take its turn.this is the end of your tears and scars angel of death take my body ,lift me away from this heat fold your cold hands and bless my soul.how your tears put out the fire angel of death take my body lift me away from this heat; fold your cold hands and bless my soul how your tears put out the fire let the fire burn let the fire burn im trapt in flames let light take over me let light take its turn this is the end of your tears and scars swiftly taking me everything is already left behind im lost in this deadly sleep your medicine's killing me on these walls sihlouettes fall and offset the flames time sets the pace of death im gone by tomorrow lets put out the rage we put on the fire i melt in your pain im melting in fire lets put out the rage lets put on the fire i melt in your pain im melting in fire lets put out the rage lets put on the fire i melt in your pain im melting in fire put out the rage put in the fire i melt in your pain im melting in fire...

could i resist this?

An escape;Teluk Ramunia,Kota Tinggi..

emo pulak suddenly?

~~so I've been wanting for soo goddamn long to blacken my hair and put a super red highlights tones on 'em.
and the only thing preventing me from doing that;THE BOYFREN.

he told me he like it brown as now.
and long,wavy like now.
at least keep it till his sis graduation day as he need me to look 'fine' on that day..
and for the sake of pleasin his mother..
my another 'mother-to-be'...

but u see...
i ROCK.
I'M A ROCK bitch.

tho' I tend to dress-up 'goody-goody' now days ; i'm still grunge.
had to have that corporate look as i'm a banker.

and i miss being call 'Amy Lee' again.
I need to find my black-skinny jeans again.

im ssoooo trapped in this bod of shopaholic!

and shitt...~
my hair straightener iron is broken!!!!
duhhh....!

tag,tag,tagggedd!

so i was tagged by miss.Bontemps..
susah sket as i rarely buat stuffs in malay.
so suppose to upload fave-est gambar sendiri kat cini and tagged org lain..
so camni la~
i guess?

aiyooh...~mandarin n engi~ is my main language yg nih tricky nih~

Kenapa anda suke gambar ini?.
*nampak tan sket kot?

Bila kali terakhir mkn pizza?
*x ingat~its been a while~biasanya with my adik-Aj Woods.
(di'di'...quai lai~~)

Lagu terakhir yg anda dengar?
*too late by no doubt

Apa yg anda buat selain selesaikan tag ini?
*pack for tomorrow;nak pegi holiday dgn frens to Teluk Ramunia,Kota Tinggi...some kinna Bachelorette party for my fren Pearl

Selain nama sendiri anda suka dipanggil dgn panggilan apa?
*Cik hot by my nephew..heheh!


Tag lagi 6 org

*soalan seterusnya ada kaitan dengan org yg anda tag!

1. Aizan
2.Amirah Shuhada
3person tagged me 4 tis one;ms.Bontemps.
4.Aainaa
5.Dello
6.My sis Ieda Woods

*Siapa no 1 pada anda;
best sangat!

*Org no 3 ada hubungan dgn sape?
hubungan camne eh?she's the cuzen to my boyfren

*Kata sesuatu berkenaan org no 5;
female version of William Shakespeare

*Bagaimana org no 4?
Hot Beauty Writer for FEMALE magazine!

*Siapa org no 2?
English teacher yang suka pegi gym!

*Bagi pesanan pd org no 6:
aiyooh!stop nagging @ me!

;pp

its too late,like really too late~

I just want to take you away from everyone
And keep you stashed under my pillow
And then I'd take you out simply for my own pleasure
And only when the occasions special then
I'd put you on like a diamond
So I can sparkle and be the envy of my friends
I'd proudly hold the leash that I'd have you on
So you can't stray and follow me around all day

It's too late now
I don't think it can fade
It's too real now
Fulfillment just adds fuel to the blaze

Compulsion has stained me
I'm nervously cradling our young love
Without known limits love
Like a butterfly cupped in my hands
I peek in to see beauty trapped
Confined it flutters
Then it leaves behind colorful dust
To remind me of the special times we've spent
But of course it has to leave my clutch
But enough is never enough to make a dent

It's too late now
I don't think it can fade
It's too real now
Fulfillment just adds fuel to the blaze

And in time it will end
And there really isn't hope for the two of us
But right now I give in

It's too late now I don't think it can fade

It's too real now

Fulfillment just adds fuel to the blaze

Fulfillment just adds fuel to the

Fulfillment just adds fuel to the blaze........

*mumbling*

....sometimes i wish i could say anything that i want.confess every acts that i cast~but i cant..i cant be hurting those heart~~

...and of all the tense-i wish i could run soo far;swim till the end of the world;cry soo loud;eat like mad and fly like some eagle...but yeah..i'm just teeny weeny lil soul...

...i cant even afford to tell how i feel~

...well..i guess remain silent and adapting to 'fate' si the best for me at the moment..what goes around will sure do comes around...

...after all;everything happen for a reason aite?

American Idol 2009 & My super 'm' closet!

**yeah..today i wanna talk about this.everybody knows how much i fancy this shows,and this year,people said i seems not to talk about it as much as i did previous.

~i am still a fan of American Idol.i'll come back early every Wednesday to catch the show @10pm @ Channel 5 (Spore Channel-yea no Astro in my room and I dunt mind as Astro sucks!-btw I've been a loyal fan of TCS 5 since i was in school,they offered the best-est stuffs.they're 100% ENGLISH channel~).

..its just that this year-i had nobody to fight about American Idol~no one in my team @ work seems to watch it;neither my family members,my best fren Fawow now in Penang,so~we barely talk;so...mostly i'll just keep it to myself.

this year;i dunt have any fave one in particular..now its down to 7 finalist and i think all of them is fantastic!even if i were to kick someone;it has to be Lil as i think her kinna voice can be found in any African American existing female singer now.She's great/but im sure world need a new-er kinna singer~

hmm..i just wish they dont finish as late as usual.now days my eyes cant stay late anymore..by 10.30++ i'll go ba-ba-black-sheep-aredi~

******

hmmmm...need to organise my new wardrobe my dad just bought for me.he really went hair wire every time he sees my bags,shoes n clothes scattered around...he even told me AGAIN yesterday to stop buying new bags and shoes..

"kan dah ada banyak ni..all still nice and u seldom use..bagi la chance org lain beli those great stuffs out there..u're not being fair to the world u know?"

sooo freakin comel my dad.

he could be some prime minister.ahakss....!

~i wish i was one of those people that had a ton of useless junk in their closets, so that i could at least convince myself to get rid of it all because i didn't really need it. But sadly, that isn't the case. Combine the facts that I love love love to shop, that I have teeny tiny closets, and that i only have one small dresser in my room, and you can see why my closet always looks like it's about to explode. By nature, i'm not a messy person (hmm..maybe yes kot?): i always put things away when I'm done with them. i guess it's just the WAY that i put them away is the real problem.

**... Hahaha....i have a bad habit of (literally) kicking off my shoes when i get home from work, so all of them are in a pile at the bottom of my shoe racks. It's like Mount Shoe Everest in there...i'm not kidding.While my biggest problem is shoes, my other closet flaw is overloading my hangers to the point where they break. i don't know when i'll learn that a weak plastic hanger can NOT withstand the weight of 3 pairs of jeans and a few sweaters....hehehe...mom bought more hangers, but, alas, my closet is way too small to fit them all. Sometimes i think that maybe, just MAYBE, i have too much stuff. But how is that possible when i never have anything to wear? Sadly, it's a problem that many of us girls deal with...:)

**ok,gotta start working on it now..

laterrr...!

thats my bag la BB oiiii....!

weddingsss!

hi guys...

getting married?tired of bridal's fake flowers hand bouquet?

then visit my latest-est stuffs ==>>

http://ebrideinme.blogspot.com/